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Thursday, May 17, 2012

~42 and Pregnant ....~

~It starts...Meet your true love...marry... live a life...raising the eight children that you were given.....moving on down the road....Really feeling that the huge holes in the journey are far behind you....We had already battled the monsters....moved the mountains.....having the outlook..you and I together..."HEY WE CAN DO IT ALL"....already grandparents at 34 and 36.....and made it through some of the scary things kids bring ...from broken bones , Misfortunes and  illnesses .... But is that reality ??? Or something along the lines of being arrogant ???


The back story....we had many children.... but not all made it...A hard thing in life to face. Many miscarriages plus  a small son put to rest....That one still hurts most of all. He would have made number  eight  ....But he was not meant  to be. So.....
With broken heavy hearts Greg and I chose to be done with this part of our lives together....in a way ..The thought was quit while your still ahead ...We were taking our chips...cashing in and leaving the game...We felt the stakes were just too high now.....Loosing our son ... Greg almost  made a widower with seven children to raise alone...due to the blood loss and emergency surgery.  We decided....enough was enough....Later that year...to our surprise We were blessed with Sierra number nine in November of 2002 . We were done.....Actions were made to prevent anymore pregnancies . And so we lived that life for ten years. Watching our family grow...working hard...helping our eldest daughter with her family...being young grand parents... celebrating  Holidays and special days ..traveling ....life if you think about it ,was all in all pretty good. Everyone was healthy ...Grand grades....money not so much an issue .


About six weeks ago we were thrown a curve ball out of left field ..... I was now... pregnant.
I can tell you. this.....I completely panicked !!!!! Greg..Stunned!!!!!!    How could this have happened ?!?!?! I though a vasectomy was as good as it could be on not getting pregnant......Hmmm...I was wrong.
I just turned 42...I'm a grandmother to three little ones and the mother of  8 children...which  four of them are adults already....And here I stand....on the abyss of a life I walked away from so many years ago.

I am not the kind of mum wanting to relive the baby era . I wonder....What is this suppose to teach me??? I do research on my age realm and being with child and this is what comes up....I'm screwed!!!! I'm short!! I'm old...I'm fat!!! {{No matter I just lost 52 pounds}}...I'm in danger of this that and the other thing {From High blood pressure , preeclamsia ,birth defects and  higher risk of cancer}....Since when was being pregnant..a scare tactic???? There is nothing out there in the big open air to give me peace with this...no blogs...no stories....reports...Nothing!!! Nothing at all.....Again...I'm screwed!!!

I have gone to lean on my friends and family for this one...seeking insight...humor...or just a tether to keep me grounded .... These  people that know me best....From being a baby..little girl....through my teen life..and in to adulthood....and for that..I'm grateful .They keep me sane....


Fast forward...."Mother's Day"...still not feeling this whole being pregnant....can I do this..again???? Really??? Be the caregiver  to someone??? I have become rather selfish and vain  in ten plus years. I had to give up my vices ...High heels{on the chopping block}..dancing..Late nights....smoking..coffee...and the glass of wine for time to time....Hell , more then my own mother gave up..but hey that was the way of 1969-70  for you....This baby didn't ask for a the toxins....So thus the day I found out..I quit. 



So as of today...this where I stand....in the unknown....but While I'm here..let's look back for a moment....









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