Monday, January 2, 2012

~A Voice ~

Last night as I was safe and warm in my bed.....I heard a voice. A voice I heard as a child long ago. A voice calling from far , far away. "Karen" the voice called....more then once ... It was the voice of my father...which I haven't heard in over 14 years now. And... It hit me in that moment ...How I truly miss my father. A strong and chilled man...very difficult  to get close to . Before you begin to think he has passed away.....he has not. He has chosen to not talk with me for what ever reason he holds. A rather sad thing really. To have a daughter and not speak with her is at times hard for me to comprehend and at times...very hard to bare . I miss the wisdom he could share with me....I am sadden he has missed so much of his grandchildren and Great grand children's  lives.  He is not the only one who has taken this course of action where I am concerned.....there are other family members as well. Again... a rather sad thing. You see...I have many children and all who would love to know my side of the family...They would live forever in their hearts. But they do not. I have over the years talked of these family ghosts from my past ...Shown my children faded  photographs , a time caught forever  in a still frame....and to be honest....they no longer seem to be real people to me any longer . It feels as though the  stories I  have recited  to my children and grandchildren  are..but lies... or even perhaps make believe stories of a time that maybe didn't truly happen .....Perhaps??? I have begun to wonder that fact.With no rime nor reason... For Years I have tried to reach out to this fantasy family of long ago......and I have grown tired of trying.....just too tired to try nor care anymore.
I have been asked, what will I make of the New Year??? After much pondering ......and with great care..I came to the conclusion of just what I will do.... I will move on ......  

I have people {My Friends} in my life that may not be blood family....But , They all have stepped up with honor to be what my family could not .These people all filled the empty slots in my family's lives. They all do this with love and grace...and for that I am truly blessed. My children have and had grandmothers that adored them . Countless Uncles and Aunts that have shown them the way.... with a loving and caring heart... They all carry and share their  wisdom that my children crave ....and will take the time to talk and listen to them......really... listen. How Grand!!!
On Christmas Eve ....we shared that night!!
~Love and Cheers to the New Year~