~A few of my Favorite Things ~

What is more grand then attending a tag sale....  you come across a box or two filled with treasures...$2 later...you are like a kid at Christmas . I have always had a vintage love....What others may dismiss as old and useless ...I see it as GRAND !! Case in point....

     ... A little girl and her treasures, her life in a box out for sale....

 ..Baby toys ,Birthday cards from her parents ,gloves from her First Communion....
          ..Sunglasses from her teens....old film reels ,some with film still on them...Buttons and tiny postcards....

                                           ....... Dated June 24th 1945 ......

                      ......When I come across thing such as these , I can't help but think of one of my favorite movies The Sound of Music with Julie Andrews singing .....

                     https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150281504805612

 ....Come to think of it....the first time I saw this ,it was with my grandmother and she turned to me and asked ,"Karen ,do think you will have a big family ?" HaHa!! I guess I did . To this day she lets me know how proud she is of me and my crew!! Hmmm....off to ring her now =)

~What a year brings~

If someone told me I would be "in this place" in my life ... I would have said to them they were mad. Ah...what a year brings....Happiness ,sorrow ,hopes made ,dreams dreamt ,friends you once held dear , gone before their time ,letters not written back and phone calls never made. Life is an odd thing...it come with details you didn't expect . I was blessed with a new love of my life...a new son.... on a blizzard filled day in December ....
He came to the world in the usual way , and he was/is prefect .

He grows before my eyes ,surround by his sisters and brother who adore him!!! A proud father who rushes home everyday to hold him. Sadly there is his grandmother who died just a few hours after he arrived. She never saw her newest grandson. This year brought losses I never thought would come to pass...but that is life..right?


As I sit here to write...a baby sleeps in my arms with not a care in the world ...save and sound .Two kids curled up in my bed watching Netfliks .....two more teenage daughters home from work quietly chatting about their day and the plans of tomorrow ....and one of my eldest arrived home after a tough day with beer in hand asking for my time....and I smile...for they will still come and talk with me.

......Life  may not be going in the direction I thought it may....Blessed all the same to be on the journey.

~42 and Pregnant ....~

~It starts...Meet your true love...marry... live a life...raising the eight children that you were given.....moving on down the road....Really feeling that the huge holes in the journey are far behind you....We had already battled the monsters....moved the mountains.....having the outlook..you and I together..."HEY WE CAN DO IT ALL"....already grandparents at 34 and 36.....and made it through some of the scary things kids bring ...from broken bones , Misfortunes and  illnesses .... But is that reality ??? Or something along the lines of being arrogant ???


The back story....we had many children.... but not all made it...A hard thing in life to face. Many miscarriages plus  a small son put to rest....That one still hurts most of all. He would have made number  eight  ....But he was not meant  to be. So.....
With broken heavy hearts Greg and I chose to be done with this part of our lives together....in a way ..The thought was quit while your still ahead ...We were taking our chips...cashing in and leaving the game...We felt the stakes were just too high now.....Loosing our son ... Greg almost  made a widower with seven children to raise alone...due to the blood loss and emergency surgery.  We decided....enough was enough....Later that year...to our surprise We were blessed with Sierra number nine in November of 2002 . We were done.....Actions were made to prevent anymore pregnancies . And so we lived that life for ten years. Watching our family grow...working hard...helping our eldest daughter with her family...being young grand parents... celebrating  Holidays and special days ..traveling ....life if you think about it ,was all in all pretty good. Everyone was healthy ...Grand grades....money not so much an issue .

About six weeks ago we were thrown a curve ball out of left field ..... I was now... pregnant.
I can tell you. this.....I completely panicked !!!!! Greg..Stunned!!!!!!    How could this have happened ?!?!?! I though a vasectomy was as good as it could be on not getting pregnant......Hmmm...I was wrong.
I just turned 42...I'm a grandmother to three little ones and the mother of  8 children...which  four of them are adults already....And here I stand....on the abyss of a life I walked away from so many years ago.

I am not the kind of mum wanting to relive the baby era . I wonder....What is this suppose to teach me??? I do research on my age realm and being with child and this is what comes up....I'm screwed!!!! I'm short!! I'm old...I'm fat!!! {{No matter I just lost 52 pounds}}...I'm in danger of this that and the other thing {From High blood pressure , preeclamsia ,birth defects and  higher risk of cancer}....Since when was being pregnant..a scare tactic???? There is nothing out there in the big open air to give me peace with this...no blogs...no stories....reports...Nothing!!! Nothing at all.....Again...I'm screwed!!!

I have gone to lean on my friends and family for this one...seeking insight...humor...or just a tether to keep me grounded .... These  people that know me best....From being a baby..little girl....through my teen life..and in to adulthood....and for that..I'm grateful .They keep me sane....


Fast forward...."Mother's Day"...still not feeling this whole being pregnant....can I do this..again???? Really??? Be the caregiver  to someone??? I have become rather selfish and vain  in ten plus years. I had to give up my vices ...High heels{on the chopping block}..dancing..Late nights....smoking..coffee...and the glass of wine for time to time....Hell , more then my own mother gave up..but hey that was the way of 1969-70  for you....This baby didn't ask for a the toxins....So thus the day I found out..I quit. 



So as of today...this where I stand....in the unknown....but While I'm here..let's look back for a moment....

  .

~A Voice ~

Last night as I was safe and warm in my bed.....I heard a voice. A voice I heard as a child long ago. A voice calling from far , far away. "Karen" the voice called....more then once ... It was the voice of my father...which I haven't heard in over 14 years now. And... It hit me in that moment ...How I truly miss my father. A strong and chilled man...very difficult  to get close to . Before you begin to think he has passed away.....he has not. He has chosen to not talk with me for what ever reason he holds. A rather sad thing really. To have a daughter and not speak with her is at times hard for me to comprehend and at times...very hard to bare . I miss the wisdom he could share with me....I am sadden he has missed so much of his grandchildren and Great grand children's  lives.  He is not the only one who has taken this course of action where I am concerned.....there are other family members as well. Again... a rather sad thing. You see...I have many children and all who would love to know my side of the family...They would live forever in their hearts. But they do not. I have over the years talked of these family ghosts from my past ...Shown my children faded  photographs , a time caught forever  in a still frame....and to be honest....they no longer seem to be real people to me any longer . It feels as though the  stories I  have recited  to my children and grandchildren  are..but lies... or even perhaps make believe stories of a time that maybe didn't truly happen .....Perhaps??? I have begun to wonder that fact.With no rime nor reason... For Years I have tried to reach out to this fantasy family of long ago......and I have grown tired of trying.....just too tired to try nor care anymore.
I have been asked, what will I make of the New Year??? After much pondering ......and with great care..I came to the conclusion of just what I will do.... I will move on ......  

I have people {My Friends} in my life that may not be blood family....But , They all have stepped up with honor to be what my family could not .These people all filled the empty slots in my family's lives. They all do this with love and grace...and for that I am truly blessed. My children have and had grandmothers that adored them . Countless Uncles and Aunts that have shown them the way.... with a loving and caring heart... They all carry and share their  wisdom that my children crave ....and will take the time to talk and listen to them......really... listen. How Grand!!!
 ...And...
On Christmas Eve ....we shared that night with....our....family!!
    
~Love and Cheers to the New Year~

~ I won't.....~

Life.....and all its details.....I won't be remembered for the music that played in my youth ... I will be remembered for the music filling the air of our home ,making  music important, and grow to appreciate  .  I won't be remembered for the first car I owned..... I will be remembered for teaching someone to drive with a philosophic outlook and a good sense of humor .I won't be remembered for The Wedding gown that I wore.... I will be remembered by How it sat on display my entire married life , just next to my bedside in my room. So to never forget just how fortunate I was to find love . I won't be remembered for my house keeping capabilities... I will be remembered  by the home we made together... was always open to the lost souls, wayward teenagers, family and friends that walked over the threshold with the aroma of fresh baking bread in the ~circa~1900 oven ....filling the air . I won't be remembered for being a good and loving daughter , for that I know  I wasn't... I will be remembered for being the best Mother I could be . The love and care I have given each child and for the son I no longer have. I won't be remembered for  the 1858 piano that stayed in the dining room...I will be remembered for teaching each child to play Chopin with great love. I won't be remembered on the amount of money I spent on developing  film... I will be remembered for the all photographs that I have taken , framed and hung  with great care.... So Greg didn't miss the important and the not so important days of his children's lives. I won't be remembered by all the great books I have read.... I will be remembered for the grand collection I left behind and have hidden  notes ,Stamps ,photographs,  dried flower ,old currency  and my children and grand-children's  art work in just about every book . I won't be remembered by  the political views I held or how I choice to vote..... But....I will be remembered by my laughter ....my loving heart....my kind soul...my eccentric ways.... and oh yes.....the long red hair ^,~

~Reflection of the past~

~My girlfriend and I have went thru many stages in our lives together...Middle school...High school... marriage... family  and the loss of our mothers.  We are still friends to this day. To clothes..music....movies.. ..boys and broken hearts they left behind in our fabulous teen years. And thru it all we are there for each other. I was listening to a song  just the other day playing on the radio . I stopped to listen for the first time....though it has played just about non stop on the radio since its release .... And I thought of the days sitting on my girlfriend's bedroom floor as we mixed tapes for every cause we had...be the "In love" tape ..to the "Creep broke my heart " tape and everything in between.While this song played..I thought too bad this one wasn't around back then. Fairly fitting to some of the guys we met and thought...You're gonna wish you never had met me.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw

~A Ginger Life~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN_0qvuhhw&feature=player_embedded#at=340

Life of a redhead. . . .
When I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, it was not popular to be a redhead. Memories of my childhood{Which were gruesome to say the least} rang with heckles of "Freckle-Face","Pippi Longstocking" and my most favorite "Medusa" . My brothers were always quick to my defense  ,both tan ,one blond the other sand colored hair . I was the freaky baby sister with the fair skin .The only other family members that had red hair were Dad who stands 6'2 now with grey hair and my 2 aunts {Fay and Sheila}who I thought were so pretty.
I never possessed the California or Maui tan that many of my family and friends had. No matter how hard I tried, the best I could come up with was  the "Savage Tan," which bore an eye catching resemblance to a sunburn.

If I was really lucky  I didn't blister . . . and peel .


As for  today, grateful  to actresses like Julia Roberts and Gillian Anderson ,{Who my big brother Mike said I look like and love him for that } red hair is wicked hot. I've learned to welcome the fact that I was hallowed to be born with a hair color that is outside the realm of the ordinary. We redheads are a rare and exotic breed. Our temperament matches our hair color, fiery, uninhabited and passionate.
Naturally red hair is scarce. In fact, only about two percent of the United States population is born with red hair. So rare are true redheads that, for centuries, redheaded women were hung or burned as witches. Some theorize that the red hair gene is so recessive that redheads are ultimately doomed for extinction. 

I have many daughters and a son that say I'm pretty to have the color of hair I have ,and how I tried for years to change it.

With that I just smile . . and think "WOW . . What an incredible crew I was astonishing bless to have and keep ."